This is not a drill

Until the time being I still can't believe I'm starting a life time commitment very soon. Everything went so fast, I even hardly had the time to look at the mirror to see myself in it. It's a mixed feeling of: excited – to start a new life together under one roof; sad – to leave my golden time of being a freeman; afraid – to realize that I will be stuck with a woman all of my life; doubtful – to really believe that she is the one; and lastly, proud – to find out that I have a brave heart and dignity to start new thing in my life.

Only until last week I found out that I had been having those mixed up feelings, they turned me into a very cranky and moody old man. During that period, my brain had been initializing old data on all of my romance stories since I was 14 going forward. Suddenly, an error happened when it was processing the binary codes - I had a Freudian slip in front of her on a name from the recent past. I didn’t know what to do and it was obviously both an accident and an incident.

She went mad for quite some time, yet luckily she’s not that cruel and we survived. It was until that time I realized that I really want her. I realized that I just want to see one of the best all time laughs in the history of all time laughs, her laugh, as she laughs with her entire body. I am amazed of her character, her loyalty and honesty, and she doesn't even take it out on people when she's having a bad day. I miss her smell, and the way she tastes just makes me feel like home.

I feel so sure now yet I am aware that all of my romantic stories are scrambled version of the first one going all over again every time until the last time. And now, I know that I don’t want to lose anymore in my life. I'm tired of all fantasies in my brain, because they don't really exist and they are never really any surprises, and they never really... This time I trust my feeling to start something real, AND THIS IS NOT A DRILL.